Seduction 101
by Kamrade-Poi
Summary: Lockhart tries to seduce Snape, but fails. (they don't have Lockhart on the character selection list)


.,;'DISCLAIMER';,.   
I do not own the characters. J.K. Rowling does. This is for FUN and I tried to keep the characters canon.  
Rating: R  
It's R for a reason. If you are a minor and decide to read this, I take no responsability for anything that goes  
on in your head. You were warned.  
Enjoy! Remember: Lockhart loves Snape!   
  
Seduction 101: The Prank  
  
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"Oh, c'mon, Snape! I love you oh so much, you silly goose," said Lockhart as he was chasing Snape around the corridors of Hogwarts. Snape managed to escape and rest in his office, but he could still hear the echo of Lockhart. Eventually, there was silence. Snape had his wand out--just in-case. He opened the door to his office cautiously; no Lockhart. He breathed a sigh of relief, but he knew Lockhart wouldn't dare come to the dungeons; why would he soil his nice, clean, bright robes?  
  
He went to the Great Hall where the dueling club was being held. "..now, this is how you block," said Lockhart as he waved his wand in the air. He looked up and saw Snape in the door way, "there you are," he said as Snape walked in. Lockhart was just about to slap Snape's ass when Snape turned around and punched Lockhart in the face, giving him a bloody nose. "My face! My beautiful face! You ruined it, you monster!" he cried before he left for the Hospital Wing. There was a river of tears streaming down Lockhart's face. All the while Colin Creevy was taking pictures, but Percy confiscated the camera after Lockhart left. Colin produced another camera.  
  
Snape smiled and turned to the students. "I hope you've all learned from that; I do not appreciate my ass being slapped--especially by a man. Malfoy, Potter, get out here and duel. Anything goes." Draco and Harry went out to the floor, bowed, and began to duel.  
  
The session ended, some people were still shocked at what Snape had done, others were glad Lockhart recieved a bloody nose.  
  
Meanwhile, in the Hospital Wing, Lockhart was pondering what he was going to do next. "Hmm...I could give him some chocolates and flowers....and a card..." he thought.  
  
"You can go now, Lockhart. It's fine, no one will notice." commanded Madame Pomfrey as she shooed him away.  
  
"But.." whined Lockhart.  
  
"GO!" she interrupted as Lockhart left, still crying about his face.  
  
  
Snape returned to his office. He saw on his desk, some chocolates and flowers and a card. As he opened the card, an autographed picture of Lockhart flying nude on a broom fell to his desk. The card read:  
  
"My love,  
  
There is no need for violence, but your ass..." there are several drool stains making the rest of the letter illegible, "... Anyway, I forgive you.  
  
Your true love,  
Gilderoy Lockhart"  
  
Snape growled under his breath. He decided to post the nude picture of Lockhart in the Great Hall, so all could see Lockhart's "glory."   
  
"Engorgio!" he shouted as Lockahrt's picture grew to four times the size. Snape summoned a picture frame and levitated it to the end of the hall, where the teachers sat. He levitated it to the center of the wall. "Wingardium Leviosa!" he said as the picture levetated. Snape moved the picture into the frame and all was complete. Snape smirked as he imagined the look on everyone's face.  
  
There it was, a framed picture of a nude Lockhart, flying on a broom....hanging on the back wall of the Great Hall.  
  
Snape summoned some curtains and closed them to hide the picture. When the curtains closed, they and the picture became invisible.  
  
It was just another day in the Dueling Club, save for Lockhart trying to seduce Snape. "Oh, come on, Snape. We need to teach the children how to "duel," said Lockhart.  
  
"No, you pompous ass! I do not want to "duel" with you," Snape replied with a sneer.  
  
"Oh come on! Are you sure? I'll be gentle..." said Lockhart, being a little too flirty.  
  
"I'm sure," mumbled Snape when some disembodied music begins playing "Don't Fear the Reaper." Snape looked around to see where it was coming from; the origin could not be found. Lockhart stood there, with a wide, seducive smile on his face as the music played.   
  
"Are you sure, I won't hurt you.." he said with a wink.  
  
Then, at the back of the Great Hall, the huge picture of Lockhart appeared. Lockhart was petrified and the students laughed and Snape smirked and snickered slightly. Lockhart's jaw dropped to the ground as he looked upon the picture. Colin Creevy began taking pictures, but Percy confiscated his camera, but Colin produced yet another camera.  
  
"I'm much bigger than that!" exclaimed Lockhart.  
  
"Sure you are," replied Snape with a smirk on his face.  
  
"I AM!" screamed Lockhart.  
  
"You must have forgotten to use the engorgio charm," said Snape with a slight laugh in his voice. Streams of tears began to run down Lockhart's face as he ran out of the Great Hall to his office. The halls echoed of Lockhart's sobbing. Snape ended the Dueling Club session and he and the students left the Great Hall. Snape went to his office and the students to their common rooms. 


End file.
